As a middle-aged man, I have always had a love-hate relationship with my sex life. Even though I constantly feel the need to get laid yet at the same time, I feel my performance anxiety from time to time can be through the roof. It would be greatly satisfying to know that I could please my partner and get her to orgasm every time we have sex. On the other hand, I am not the most endowed man ever walked the face of the earth. Watching porn by myself seemed enjoyable but watching it with my partner, the question of length and girth would pop into my mind like bubbles in boiling water. Furthermore, sometimes, I can tell my partner is not fully satisfied after, it could also be my unrealistic expectations of what sex is supposed to be like. I kept on telling myself It would be nice to last a bit longer and wait until she gets there before I did.
All of those thoughts are complicating my experience and starting to worsen my anxiety. Many times I would be so frustrated with myself that I would rather not have sex than deal with these performance anxieties. I started to wonder maybe my body is not made for sexual pleasure but for reproduction only. It seems like I constantly seek out new sexual partners, wanting to get the job done. But I know after it is all over, I would not feel satisfied. I would be back to square one and start the process all over again.
After I began to learn about BDSM, I started to realize that sex and intercourse are only a small part of the total package. Sexual penetration does not need to be included at all. Sometimes, I can be totally satisfied without intercourse. I would take the role of the top most of the time. I feel that I have many ways to get my partner to climax, probably more than just once. During a scene, there are many ways for me to stimulate her. I could change my tone of voice to make her notice my different commands; I could use lighting to enhance the ambiance to fit into our story; we could be dressed up as pirate and captive, teacher and student, doctor and patient, wolf and bunny, you name it; I could use pain to put her on notice and prompt her body to release endorphins; I also could strip away some of her senses playing with her remaining ones. The possibilities are just endless. I am always willing to prepare for sessions we would have, and even talking about it makes me feel excited and aroused. In the past, I never thought that my brain is required in sex, I mean what it would be good for? Other than, it seems to be often getting in the way of my enjoyment; but now, I could fully use my imagination to plan and execute the scene and make each time an unique experience for both of us.