I am a dom in most of my BDSM relationships. Sometimes I would like to switch to a sub, but it is usually just for one scene or just for a day. Switching helps me to get the perspective from a different angle and let me experience things I would like to do to others, and sometimes free me from my own head.
But I enjoy domination much more. It is not to say that I think I can make my sub do things. It is to my understanding that I cannot make anyone do anything.
“Under carefully controlled experimental circumstances, an animal will behave as it damned well pleases.”
-The Harvard Law of Animal Behavior
If someone offered me a million dollars to kneel on the ground, the choice to bend my knee is mine. If someone held me at gun point and order me to kneel to the ground, the choice of whether to bend my knees or not is still mine.
In a dom/sub relationship, I am not looking for a total brainless follower who will do anything and everything I ask her to do. Nor I think it is possible to find such a person, nor there will be any fun in having that relationship.
The work of dominance is to enable or inspire submission. We don’t make our partners submit, we give them permission to do so, we create opportunities for them to do so, and we show them how to do so. When you understand that, you will realize that our partners’ desires are central to successful dominance. Dominance means that your willingness and ability to learn more about your partners’ desires and what does it take for those desires to blossom.
Dominance cannot exist without submission. It is like a ballroom dance: dominance leads and submission follows. The leader guides the dance, but the follower is not forced in any way or following mindlessly. They have their own energy, creativity and showmanship to contribute within the framework of the dance or the play. When two persons dance well together, there is almost always chemistry between them, their enthusiasm toward the dance and toward each other, they inspire and feed each other.
