A man’s tale of trying to find a good Femdom relationship

As a middle aged man, I mostly appear to be strong and confident. I have learned to project that image from a very young age. Women like my mom, sisters and classmates often tell me that men are tough and they do not express their emotions,  and their jobs are to protect women around them. 

But I would often have fantasies of being totally submissive to a woman. When I was young, the subject of my fantasy could be my mom or an older sister. I would imagine myself totally be naked in front of them, obeying every order they give to me. That turns me on a lot just thinking of those scenarios. But it was never realized as I never brought it up with any of them. It just remained a secrete in my heart. 

The first time I admitted to these fantasies with a woman was with a girlfriend of mine. I wanted her to tie me down naked in a chair and humiliate me. She was shocked at first but went along with me for a short while. She quickly got bored and we end up having sex instead. I felt very unsatisfied but not ashamed anymore about my fantasies. 

Now I am able to discuss my fantasies with very close friends but still feel pretty frustrated because it is just so hard to find someone to submit to. I want someone that have an intimate relationship with to dominate me, pushing boundaries with me slowly and steadily.  

But my relationships have kept on turning into male domination instead of the other way around.